Mother-ish

Let's leave the Cone Zone, take a little detour from the construction, for a bit while I share a story that happened in the car today. It's just one of those things that I need to self-therapize on a little and perhaps edify not only myself, but other mothers as well.

First, today's Scripture:

"We know what real love is because Christ gave up his life for us. And so we also ought to give up our lives for our Christian brothers and sisters."

1 John 3:16 (NLT)

Well, my littlest child, my sweet Norah has graduated from Kindergarten today. It was an awesome year for her and she had a great teacher. Mrs. Barrera made a special memory binder for each student and handed them out at a special Kindergarten promotion ceremony. The front page has a snapshot of each student on the very first day of school and the last page has a picture of the student sometime at the end of the year. At the bottom of the page is a little bit of an interview of the child. My name is _____. I am ___ years old. In Kindergarten I learned _________. And so on. The last line is really special. It says, "When I grow up I want to be a _______________________." And what did my daughter say?

She said, "When I grow up I want to be a mom and wash dishes."

Oh, how this delighted my heart! :) I was deeply honored that she must be witnessing my life as a mom and somehow, along the way, I have made the job look very appealing. Being a mom is, at least in this season of my life, the very reason I breathe in and out all day. I am glad that my daughter sees my joy in this and at least for now, in her Kindergarten innocence, wishes to someday follow in my footsteps.

Well, today was also a very special day for our son, Thomas. He is in the 6th Grade and has had his special 6th Grade Promotion ceremony where the students are honored before going on to middle school. Grandparents and Uncle and Cousins were all in attendance to celebrate. We picked up my mother for the ceremony as she is disabled and could not drive herself. We were in the car on the way to the graduation when I was sharing with her about Norah's cute little memory book and the funny quote she had at the end.

"When I grow up I want to be a mom and do dishes." I smiled.

My mom was a bit different in her approach.

"Oh no! Somebody's gotta educate her a bit! Not a mom! She's gotta be something like the President!! Anything but that! It's such a thankless job!!! Mothers are never appreciated. Never ever appreciated."

And on.

And on.

And on.

And each word was a thoughtless kick in my gut.

I tried to smile. I tried to consider the source. I tried to deflect and maybe perhaps defend..."But I was proud of her. I think being a mom is the best job on earth...."

And more about being unappreciated. Un-thanked.

Now, anyone who knows me or knows my mom might have some insight into this particular situation. The sad fact is, in a very brief summation, that I know that my mom has had a very difficult life for many different reasons, some of them her own choice and some of them tragically not. She is, for all her faults, a walking (albeit barely) miracle. It amazes me that she still calls earth home. And I know that she loves me very very much, in her own special way.

But she is not "Mother-ish". She is not mature. And she has a very difficult time thinking beyond her own comfort and needs. I have a hard time shopping for an honest Mother's Day card because so many of them talk about a mom that gives and does so much for her children. She has bent reality around herself. I search for cards that simply state the truth: that I love her. I love her for who she IS and not who I wish her to be. I had to leave my wish behind a long time ago.

And yet, I praise God for who she is because it has compelled me to be the mother I am today. I say this not in a hateful, disrespectful, vengeful way, but in a truly honoring way. I honor my mother by being a credit TO her. I am able to look back at things and evaluate how I want to interpret, extend, or change them for my own kids.

I want to lay down my life for my children.

And I do.

Every single day.

I am not a mother for the accolades. I did not give birth so I can be thanked. I do not do the zillion things I do each day for the appreciation. I do not demand recognition. Nor do I complain when it doesn't flow like water.

To be "Mother-ish", you live beyond yourself. You pour yourself into someone else. You think beyond your needs. And you do the same thing, day after day after day, because of how much you love that other person. Every single thing I do as a mom has extremely critical, eternal consequences. Every mundane errand. Every daily chore. Even those dishes. It all weaves a tapestry. It all composes a song that beats in the heart of the child, "You matter to me. You matter to me. You matter to me."

I drive my kids to school because they matter to me.

I vacuum the living room floor because they matter to me.

I fold the laundry because they matter to me.

I get up early and pray for them...because they matter to me.

I love them. I would--and I do--lay my life down for them every single day.

I know that my mom didn't MEAN to hurt me by her words. I HOPE that she didn't mean to imply that she hated her time in raising children. I HOPE that she was merely being supportive of my little girl's future and trying to be encouraging in so far as she can be whatever she wants to be in life. I am ASSUMING that my mom didn't mean to imply that I am wasting my life by investing myself in mothering. And I am REMEMBERING my own mother's life, the experiences and the times that shaped her point of view. And and am TRYING to interpret her words through a filter of LOVE.

Because EVERY DAY is Mother's Day.

"We know what real love is because Christ gave up his life for us. And so we also ought to give up our lives for our Christian brothers and sisters."

1 John 3:16 (NLT)