Zeke 'n Me

I had one of those dreams the other night.





Oh wait.





I guess I should clarify.





Not one of those "walking down the street nude" dreams.





Yet it was almost as exposing.





I dreamt that I was about to get up to the podium and speak a message at church.








And I was not prepared.





I had no idea what I was going to say when I got up there.








Do you ever have recurring dreams? What are they usually about?





I can't help wonder if God has been trying to talk to me my whole life on this one theme and I am just now getting it because he varied the dream this one time.





Usually, my recurring dream involves an emergency of some sort. Something has happened and I need to get help for someone or myself and I am usually holding a telephone in my hand in an adrenaline filled moment, I'm trying to call for help. And something always goes wrong with the phone. In my panic, I keep mis-dialing. Or the phone isn't operating correctly. Something keeps me from making that call for help and I always feel so...helpless. Useless. Like I can't come through when the chips are down and I won't ever be prepared when the time comes to "save the day".





The difference with this church dream was my internal mental impulses about the situation, my attitude. Just as I was impotent in the phone emergency dreams, I was unqualified in the speaking dream, but the way you "just know" some things in a dream without it really being explained, God allowed me to see something really not lovely about myself. The revelation? Pride. A sense of, "I got this." And that turned out to be so, so wrong. My arrogance yielded a bumbling speech that was of no use to no one and I was ashamed and humbled. Dreamland yielded a lesson for reality.

"He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord."

Deuteronomy 8: 3 (NIV)

My heart aches for the Old Testament prophets. Boy, they had a hard job to do. It must've been frustrating to say the very least to try communicate to people who really didn't want to hear what you had to say. Just a couple of days after that challenging and humbling dream, I was reading the first three chapters from the book of Ezekiel. I learned something from Zeke...he did not go in unprepared. And yet, Ezekiel's preparation was not of his own striving. Ezekiel was a 30 year old priest when he was called to something "more". In preparation for Ezekiel's greater ministry, the Lord revealed some pretty amazing things to him. So awe-inspiring in fact, that Ezekiel would fall facedown, overwhelmed in awe and worship. (Ezekiel 1:28, and 3:23)

What was really noticeable to me was the up and down physical posturing in these chapters. When you read this you'll see Zeke would fall down and even sit down ("And there, where they were living, I sat among them for seven days--overwhelmed" 3:15)...and the LORD would lift him back up. Ezekiel would need to go somewhere and the SPIRIT would move him.

"He said to me, 'Son of man, stand up on your feet and I will speak to you.' As he spoke, the Spirit came into me and raised me to my feet ..." Ezekiel 2:1

"Then the Spirit lifted me up..." 3:12

"The Spirit then lifted me up and took me away...." 3:14

"Then the Spirit came into me and raised me to my feet..." 3:24

So here's Zeke, a 30 year old priest who probably thought he had his life pretty well mapped out. And in the first three chapters of his story he is knocked down, wiped out and amazed beyond his wildest imagination. Probably everything he thought he ever really knew about God was shaken up by the Maker Himself, to the point where only the Spirit could get this quivering mass of flesh back up off the floor. God essentially says to this man, "I have a really important message that you need to deliver for me. In fact, it's so critical that I'm holding you personally responsible for the fate of these people if you don't deliver this message." (3:18) Woah. Heavy! If it were me, I'd be jumping right on that particular mission...I mean, not that I'd really WANT the job, but after all he'd seen, I bet the sense of urgency and respect for the Boss would be pretty intense. But guess what? It was a classic case of "Not so Fast Buster!"

After the Spirit picks poor Zeke up off the ground yet again in 3:24, He speaks to this messenger and says, "Go, shut yourself inside your house. And you, son of man, they will tie with ropes; you will be bound so that you cannot go out among the people. I will make your tongue stick to the roof of your mouth so that you will be silent..."

Oh Zeke! Gee, how I feel your pain! I mean, Zeke's a guy so perhaps talking a lot may not have been his game, but they do say that men use a lot fewer words each day than women, and I know from personal experience that if I have to keep quiet for too long I feel like I'm going to explode! And it's even worse if I have be be stuck at home for a long stretch. I get cabin fever and start to go nuts. Even a quick drive to take the kids to school helps me feel so much more human than if I never venture beyond the walls of the house. I do believe a woman's greatest mission field is in her own home and I for sure have enough here to keep me occupied for decades! But oh, how I sense that there is a "Part II" to this life!!! I don't have a clue what that will be, but I am so eagerly looking forward to every step of the journey! Loving the now, smiling at the future.

Anyhow, I digress. Back to Zeke. He's been pumped up and now his zipped up. What a roller coaster ride! I learned from reading the beginning of this book that there are things to learn about speaking the the Word of God. We may have indeed seen some amazing things but just blurting them out before God's done talking might not work. Listen. Take it personally. Worship and take time to be in awe because it IS that big. It IS that important. Take good notes. Let the Spirit manipulate your position. Fall down again and worship some more because you can't handle this alone. But do not be afraid. Do not be afraid. Do not be afraid. Be obedient. And then after all of that you might need to start at home. And part of that might involve just keeping your lips zipped for a time. And then! And then! Then God will speak to you and open your mouth! And then whatever comes out from there will probably be a lot more useful than if you had walked up to a podium with nothing but your ego.

Snippets

I have returned from our annual Ladies' Retreat and it was such a blessing, as always. Every time God has something new for each one of us. At our first meeting of the weekend, I had flipped around in my Bible and come across this quote in one of the margins:

"While Thee I seek protecting Power,

Be my vain wishes stilled;

and may this consecrated hour

with better hopes be filled."

Helen Marie Williams (1762-1827)

I couldn't have said it better. I had wishes, hopes, ideas, even preferences on how the weekend would or should go. I had past experiences to draw from and some expectations on how this new experience would play out based on the past. However, I really just wanted what God wanted. I wanted to learn to yield my agenda to God's because I truly do know that He has our very best interests in mind. And He sure met me in some funny ways on that note.

He knocked some of my "usuals" right out from under me. Some of them were silly preferences, like the color of my folder. Some of them deeper heart issues, like pride. I learned that it really isn't all about me! (Shocking!) And during prayer ministry time one evening, I just sat on the front row, with my eyes and mouth closed and my ears open for once. And I just sat and listened to the voices murmuring and swirling around me in prayer. Kinda-sorta-but-not-really eavesdropping, I heard not enough to make out any one's private business, but just bits and pieces of their communion with God, utterances and praises, and sweet communication with their Lord and King. It was such a beautiful sound. And while I sat there I marveled at how God can hear all of them at once and give each one of us personalized attention. So it's not really about me, but sometimes he touches the "me" in the "we".

After a quiet time of listening, I flipped through the pages of my off-colored folder to take a look at the Scriptures that our speaker had collected for us. I underlined and circled all the key phrases and words that seemed to jump off the page right into my heart, notes from God on what he wanted me to glean from this retreat. I also jotted down some of the beautiful words I heard spoken from the ladies praying around me and added some phrases from our speaker as well. The following is what came of it. I call it "Snippets".

Snippets

Living out your love

God gives us knowledge of the Holy

love

joy

peace

patience

kindness

goodness

faithfulness

gentleness

self-control

Let us keep in step with the Spirit

Set your minds on things above, not earthly things

true

noble

right

pure

lovely

admirable

excellent

praiseworthy

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus

chosen

royal

holy

not envious

not proud

not self-seeking

not easily angered

rejoicing with the truth

never failing

Devoted in brotherly love

Honoring one another above ourselves

Living in harmony with one another

Not conceited

Not proud

A soft heart

A new mind

A joyful almost secret desire.

Rise and Shine, Part II

"At midnight I rise to give you thanks for all the good things that you do.
I am a friend to all who worship you in Spirit and in Truth" ...a Keith Green Song

It's actually midnight as I write this. I woke up from what I thought was a good sound sleep and suddenly my heart and eyes blinked wide awake with thoughts of a family that recently moved on from our church body to another church. We were all sad to see them go. Wish it could've worked out differently. But I understood since I had kinda/sorta left my last church because I desperately, achingly wanted to be where we are now and if someone had told me I couldn't go, for whatever reason, I would have been miserable to the core of my being. And I would not wish that on any one. So in the wake of the departure of this family, we settle back with mixed emotions. A mix of regret and sadness but overwhelmingly a sense of peace and assurance from God that all things will work together for our good...for everyone. Wishing peace and blessings to the ones departing and knowing that we will eventually be reunited forever when our Shepherd comes to gather his flock from our many self-designed folds. In general, I think it's good that we have all sorts of different churches meeting all sort of different needs, ministering to all sorts of hearts and situations. And I pray for above all for unity and love between us all. We sang one particular song at church today that says, "everyone is welcome here". And I hope that song resonates with this particular family especially--they are always, always welcome here, sending a message of love and acceptance, no matter what. We worship the same God, after all.

Pastor spoke today about the importance of spending time with God through praise and prayer and reading the Word. I was so excited by what he was talking about that half way through his message I wished I could've stood up and shared my testimony about the subject! The focus was what we do with our mornings, the beginnings of our days, weather it be 4 AM or 10 AM. I thought it was awesome that he was talking about our mornings since I had just blogged about mornings and how much I love them. My writing wasn't focused on the super spiritual part of it totally, but of course that was there too. Connecting with God, telling him we love him, hearing him say he loves us back, and spending some time reading the Bible. Pastor mentioned how so many people say they have "no time" to read the Bible and he echoed what I have thought so many times before, that we seem to have time for those things that we really want to do. And he's right. Not to make a daily habit of Bible reading sound easy or to put aside genuine concerns of those who have incredibly busy lives. But it's amazing what happens when we decide to do something that's important, truly important to us.

At one point, I had heard this phrase that I had agreed completely described me. I was not a Christian with say for example 12 years of Christian experience. I was a Christian with 1 year of experience, 12 times. (Okay, for me it's not the 12 years...could have been more, but that's not the point.) The essence was that I was not moving forward, living deeply or fully growing or developing in my walk with God. I was treading water and getting nowhere. I loved God, I was born-again. But I really wasn't walking in the promises of God. I had bought myself a Bible in a translation that I liked. It was a pretty little Bible, covered in burgundy leather in a good size that I could carry to and from church. It would sit on my bedside table in it's pretty burgundy leather cover and get dusty from lack of use! Burgundy leather shows dust very well, I learned. And that dust was quite a testimony to me. See, I had purchased that Bible as a gift to myself to celebrate the fact that I had been baptized in the Holy Spirit and I knew that things were going to change in my life from that point on. But first, I had to dust off that book and see what God had to say to me.

It is not super critical how much you read the Word and you don't have to get all legalistic with yourself about following any sort of check-list. In fact, our Pastor reminded us to read for depth not length. To read and soak in and meditate on even a small part of God's Word each day. For different folks, we can do this in different ways that I believe are all good. For me, it was putting to use the monthly Bible reading guide that our church puts in our bulletins each month. That's just what worked for me. And I will admit, that there have been days when I have read that day's reading and have closed the book with a more than blank stare on my face because I have had no clue what I just read. But I did it anyway because I knew that it was from there that my life got its sustenance. I trust God and know what He put his word together in such a way for a very great purpose and that it is a privilege to get to peer into it.

But I tell you what, over the years, I have cultivated a daily habit of meeting with Jesus. Sitting down at the beginning of my day with my Bible in one hand, and a cup of coffee in the other. Meeting with Him and seeing what he has to say to me each day, and it has formed over time a foundation, a bedrock that I have been able to build my life upon. I have gazed at God's Word and it has transformed me. The Holy Spirit has opened my eyes each day in new ways, helping me understand things I had never understood before. God has confirmed his message to my heart in so many ways throughout my days and weeks. It's sometimes as if He's teaching me in "unit lessons" like a good teacher with a lesson plan. "Alright class, this weeks' lesson is Humility..." God has helped me to remain faithful to this habit in ways I never dreamed possible before. I have packed that little burgundy Bible on vacations and actually taken it out and read it on trips. I brought it along to the hospital when I had both of my babies. And I read it there too. Lately, I have even kept that Bible in my car and read it while waiting for my kids to get out of school.

At one point over the years, I had purchased a zip up cover for my Bible and I realized one day that it was a very good thing that I had because the binding had given way and the book was now worn out and had basically fallen apart, the cover being the one thing that was keeping my precious book together. I'm sad to see it in such shape but on the other hand I REJOICE FOR WORN OUT BIBLES!!! Oh Holy God, how I rejoice for wearing out a physical copy of your Word!!! The Bread of Life that has sustained me. The Word that had changed my life. No more dusty Bible. No more dusty heart.

I share this all not as a "wow, gee, look at me" sort of thing. Not to hold myself up as some super-spiritual extra special A student who wants a good report card....but as an honestly flawed person who knows the transforming power of taking quality time, over time, to read and meditate on God's Word for us. I know from experience that it IS possible to take that time and to read the Bible. I know it is possible to learn something new from it every single day. It's living and alive and reads me as surely as I read it. There is so much in there that I will never fully understand, even if I think I already do!, this side of heaven, but I know the heart of the author. And it's so, so incredibly good. Oh, how He loves us!

I really encourage every believer to be in the Word every single day. You will be so glad you did.

It's one o'clock in the morning now. I guess I'd better go back to bed and try to get some sleep.

Blessings.