Just one of those days...

They say if you don't have something good to say, don't say anything at all.

This is one of those days where I am tempted to follow that adage.

And it's nothing in particular combined with everything specific.

Feeling out of balance, out of control and really thankful and hopeful all at once. Just "this side" of crazy.

I haven't been writing like I'd hoped/wanted to/planned/know I have been told to. And what's up with that?

"Time management issues", I have put it. And yes, there is some of that.

And then some of it is just outright disobedience.

And look where it has got me.

Wow.

And yet I know every thing's gonna be okay and that I am loved and all that good stuff still applies.

NOTHING can separate me from God's love. Not my bad choices, not my wasting of time, not my sometimes stinky attitude...nothing.

I was recently encouraged and appreciated and supported by two women who are mothers in my life. And I tell you what, that love has done more for my heart than all my self-condemnation ever could. That someone just takes the time to say, "Keep up the good work. Don't give up. You are loved and appreciated. You have a gift.", just makes all the difference.

God says, "Look at the birds outside. They don't even worry about where their meals come from."
And I say, "Yea, but see, we're the ones that pay for the bird seed their eating! And we probably shouldn't have spent the money!"

Ha!

See my craziness?!?!

I trust and yet I panic.

I have just enough information in me to drive myself nuts. ;) I can have great debates right within my very own soul!

I heard the beginning words of that song, "I will survive" today...you know it. And yet.

And yet. I am not just a survivor. Despite my tough days, like today, there is something so much bigger and so much more wonderful at play here.

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39 NIV

So you ever see a kid losing it...either with excitement, distraction, disobedience or fear....and the parent calmly holds that child's face in between their hands and says, "Look at me!"?

Well, that's sort of what God's doing in my heart today: "Shhhh! Look at me!" "But Lord, I'm so messed up!" "Shh! Stop." "But Father, I make all the wrong choices!" "Breathe." "But God, I'm so outta control!" "Hush now and Look at me." "But Jesus, I read your word and half the time it doesn't even make any sense and I don't know how I can possibly measure up!" "Shhhh. Enough. Hush."